How to initiate divorce

If you are in a bad relationship and want out...here are some proven ways to help speed the process of getting a divorce.


Male:
Always drink directly from the milk carton
Female:
Leave milk in the cabinet several days before refrigerating

Male:
Always leave the toilet seat in the up position and never flush. Better yet --- remove the toilet seat.
Female:
Decorate the bathroom in all pink including a fluffy pink toilet seat cover.

Male:
Never fill up the ice cube trays.
Female:
Season the ice with cayenne pepper.

Male:
Do you wife's laundry and use lots of bleach.
Female:
Wash your husband’s white briefs with all your reds.

Male:
Drink a lot
Female:
Drink his beer.

Male:
If you don’t smoke. Start.
Female:
Stop brushing your teeth.

Male:
When not smoking…chew tobacco
Female:
Eat lots of garlic

Male:
Start snoring. If you already snore…snore louder.
Female:
Wear flannel pjs and curlers to bed.

Male:
Invite the dog to bed.
Female:
Hog the sheets.

Male:
Quit mowing the grass.
Female:
Quit paying the bills

Male:
Quit taking out the trash.
Female:
Quit cleaning the house

Male:
Pick your nose
Female:
Bite your nails and then eat them

Male:
Leave the newspaper scattered all over the floor.
Female:
Throw away the sports section.

Anyone who knows me, is aware that I believe in the sanctity of marriage. This list was generated by my husband and myself. He came up with the male perspective, of course. We had a good laugh putting this list together.

Remember in a marriage you need to be full of forgiveness, encouragement and love.

And trying to keep your bad habits to a minimum.

.........

Giving Your Marriage Attention & Energy

I hate hearing people say that "Marriage" is work. Marriage is not work, but what it needs to survive is attention and energy. We give other people who are less important than our spouse much more attention than we give the person we love most. We treat everyone at work with respect, the paperboy, the waitress, our parents, and siblings but do we treat our spouse with the same amount of respect?

Instead of getting mad at our boss or co-worker, we save up our anger to release it on the people living with us.

In order to have a happy fulfilling relationship we must change. I listened to Rabbi Shmuley on the radio say that his New Year’s resolution was to make his wife laugh more. I loved this. It made me think. Am I being a good wife, a good friend to my husband? Am I being his supporter, his confidant, and his cheerleader? Am I bringing him down or lifting him up. Do I make him laugh? Unfortunately, I have to admit that I wasn’t being the companion that I needed to be. If you want to be treated well….you have to treat well. You have to respect.

The first thing I did was focus on all the good things about my husband. We as people tend to focus on the negative. We can’t help it….it is how our brain is wired. So I decided that I would think about all the things that made me fall in love with my husband. I make it a point everyday to do this. I decided to keep my negative opinions to a minimum but to "amp" up my encouragement. I’ve been letting my husband know that I truly love and appreciate all that he does for me.

We sometimes get caught up in all the big things and forget to focus on the little things that really matter. Like the fact that my husband makes me a cup of coffee every morning…and brings it to me. In cold weather he starts my car so that it’s warm when I get in. Sometimes he makes a special trip out of his way to pick up my favorite wine.

After I’ve said all that---does it really matter that he leaves his socks in the middle of the floor. Not really. He is not perfect---I’m not perfect.

Since I have started being more aware, appreciative of my husband I’ve noticed that he is more confident. Isn’t it amazing that your spouse is the one person that can really wear on your confidence. He is more relaxed. Why? Because he feels loved. He gets the love from home so he doesn’t feel that he has to get acceptance from other places.

Let’s all make our spouse laugh more!